


when it falls apart

by SkyleSkaetLett



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime)
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, Gen, I am so sorry, Second person POV, Speed dating au, for those of you who followed me earlier - remember the bond that heal us? this is worse, i apologize profusely to whoever reads this, this is literally the most self indulgent fanfic i have ever written in my entire life, you're the main character!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-02
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-23 03:27:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11981148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyleSkaetLett/pseuds/SkyleSkaetLett
Summary: You just lost a close friend. You're ready to meet a new one. You think.





	when it falls apart

This is literally the most self-indulgent self-insert thing I have EVER written in my ENTIRE life

God this is more self-indulgent than The Bonds That Heal Us

WELP THIS IS HOW I COPE

(also yes, I did commission a body pillow of tobias, i need it BAD)

 

\---

 

You don’t know why you’ve decided to go to a speed dating event.

Actually, you do know - you want to block out the fact your best friend(-slash-partner?) has just decided they never want to speak to you again. When it happened, you weren’t sure what you felt. It’s like everything disconnected. Your heart shattered into a million pieces, but for some reason, you weren’t hurt by the glass. A loud ringing called out. Your brain went numb, and someone “else” took over to deal with it because clearly you couldn’t. But you didn’t get to say what you wanted to say. You didn’t get to fight back. 

Why does this always happen to you? You give your heart and love to others and they tarnish it and crush it. You wonder why you still trust people.

You’re not really looking for anything more than a cheap one-time hookup here. You  _ just _ want to forget. You  _ just _ want to feel something other than numbness or agony. Even just for a night. Even just for a moment.

_ ‘I’m sorry things didn’t work out,’  _ they said. _ ‘See you in another world, ______,’  _ they said. With each second, you get closer to tearing up, even in a room full of people chit-chatting and laughing away - clearly having more fun than you.

Your Pokemon team tried to keep you afloat and support you in any way they could since this happened. Blaziken would let you ruffle her soft feathers to calm you down. Aurorus would keep the room cool for you during the night time. Incineroar would rest on your lap, the weight calming you down. Stuff like that.

You were a pretty powerful Pokemon trainer, and revered amongst your old group of friends. But now they’re gone too.

“Alright, everyone!” a voice rang out, and your attention drifted from replaying their texts in your brain to the announcer of the speed dating event. “Get into a seat, and let’s get this started!”

The other people clamor and try to find a seat comfortable enough for them - some prefer the wooden chairs, some prefer the couches, and for some reason, others prefer sitting on the floor…?

You take to one of the wooden chairs. You honestly prefer the couch, but you’ve been walking so slow they’re already all taken.

“Hello to you lovely ladies, gentlemen, and all those in between! I hope you’re having a pleasant evening, y’all!” the announcer says. For some reason, you find their voice instantly annoying. “Let’s get this started now! You all seem to have gotten numbers, odd numbers to one side and even numbers to the next! You should see your first partner in front of you.”

You turn, and see a slightly older woman with pink, curly hair and a black bow sitting in front of you. She smiles at you. You force a smile back.

“Y’all know how speed dating works around here! You get five minutes with your partner, and mark off on your paper if you like them… or not, I suppose. But hopefully some pairs will be made, right?”

“I sure hope so,” the lady in front of you whispers and giggles. You again force a laugh back.

“With that, let’s get started! One, two, and DATE!”

The night starts awkward, but goes on. People seem to be getting along with the others at their table, and hitting it off well, and most likely circling ‘YES’ on their sheet. Not you, though. You’re… very awkward tonight. Usually you’re able to hit things off well with people, but today you just can’t seem to force yourself to have a good time. Years of therapy taught you about mindfulness and the importance of living in the moment and a whole bunch of other cognitive and dialectical behavioral therapy skills, but none of them seem to be working. You’re just dead inside, and you can’t hide it. Everything hurts.

You wonder how many times someone can die emotionally.

You wonder how many times you’ve died emotionally.

After a while, you grow tired of this. You’re fairly certain nobody has checked yes on you, and you can’t blame them, for how cold you are. (Aside from one person who claimed to be a Psychic-Type Gym Leader and tried to read your mind and tell you you get nervous too much, and to be fair, she’s not wrong, but you’re also pretty sure she was drunk and took affection to you.)

You’re about to leave. You gather your bags together and almost stand up.

“Leaving so soon?”

You turn your face upwards to face a man standing in front of you, about to pull up a chair. He’s rather… dashing. He has long, wavy blue hair (you would make a ocean pun, but really, are you that bad at poetry?) and is donning a red cloak. His pants are beige and he’s wearing black combat boots (how edgy, you think). His face screams ‘resting bitch face’, but you see a hint of concern is both his look and his voice.

After taking in his appearance, you gather yourself. “I - I don’t think I’m really clicking with anyone here, and besides, I just -” your voice almost cracks so you pause for a moment, as the newcomer gives you a patient look. “I just… I just lost a close friend, and, maybe now’s not the time for me to get back into the dating scene.”

The man bites his lip and looks into your eyes intensely. You want to run away, but you realize that the only person who’s ever looked at you this way before was your ex-friend.

“Well, I’m not particularly interested in anyone here either,” he starts, then gives a smile. “So perhaps we can enjoy the moment together and then head out if we click?”

You take a moment to think. You don’t even know this person’s name and to be honest, his presence was a bit imposing. His posture was fantastic and he had a look on his face that was both patient and welcoming, but also dedicated, in a way.

“Sure,” you finally respond, sitting back down. “I don’t have much to lose anyways.”

He sits down in the chair in front of you. The announcer starts up the time again, and you begin speaking.

“I’m Tobias,” he starts out with, smiling. “It’s a pleasure. What’s your name?”

“I’m, uh,  _ ______,”  _ you say, reaching your hand out. Tobias shakes it firmly, and you smile, and for some reason it’s not forced.

“Are you a trainer?” he asks. “Your belt has Pokeballs on it.”   
  
“You’re observant,” you say. “Yes, I - I am. I used to be a Gym Leader, actually,” you explain, “but I ended up not sticking to one type, so I got kicked out,” you end with a bitter laugh.

Tobias nods. “A shame, that might be why I never met you,” he says. You give a puzzled look. “I won the Sinnoh championship a few years back.”

Something clicks in your brain - you  _ have _ seen this man! You almost stand up in shock. “That was  _ you?! _ ” you exclaim. Some eyes turn towards you, and you quickly regain your composure, embarrassed. “Ah, sorry… “

Tobias chuckles a bit. You’re surprised by how calm he is, at least in comparison to you. “It’s no worries, I get that reaction a lot. But yes, that was me - I almost won only with my Darkrai.”

Your eyes glitter. This man was so nice, and so welcoming, even if he had some sort of mysterious aura to him. You always get excited when you meet famous people. You remember a lot of people complaining about him ‘cheating’ for using legendaries, but you didn’t think it was so bad. You’re a bit biased though, because you think Darkrai is the  _ coolest Pokemon ever why don’t you have one you want one so badly _ .

You laugh again, wholeheartedly. You find yourself having the most fun you’ve had all night. “I wish I had a Darkrai, sometimes. I’ve been having a lot of nightmares lately, I suppose one could benefit off of it.”

Tobias raises an eyebrow. “Nightmares?”

You pause, then nod.

He closes his eyes. “I used to struggle with those a lot too. That’s what brought Darkrai to me. They started feeding off of my nightmares, and then I invited them to my team, and we’ve been working together since. It’s been… nice. I think we make a great team. In a way, they’ve helped me with my problems, because I’m able to tackle my nightmare problem, and… other problems.”

You tilt your head. He looks away and sighs.

“I’d like to hear more,” you say, smiling. “If you want to, that is.”

“Perhaps later,” he mutters. “I’m… not well equipped to talk about it just yet. Also, we’re in a room full of people who may not have the best intentions.”

You nod quickly. He smiles again.

“Well, I also struggle with nightmares, but moreso lately,” you explain, leaning down on the table. “But… it’s probably nothing compared to your problems.”

“It’s important not to downplay your own issues simply because others struggle with worse - besides, you’re not aware of my issues, so what must you know?”

He’s right, you know. All of your agony over your ex-friend has been building up, and it seems to be about to topple over now. You feel like you’re about to ruin a friendship you just made, but you can’t keep it in any longer at all.

“Well, I had this friend… sort of, in a way,” you explain. “We were really close. I looked up to them. They looked up to me. I… I loved them, a lot.”

“Is this the close friend you mentioned earlier?” he asks.

You nod sadly.

Tobias listens, with a gentle look on his face.

“But, they were hurting me a lot at the same time. They weren’t responding to my messages, they were giving me mixed signals, they were incredibly unsure of their boundaries and… but despite that, I  _ still _ loved them. I wanted to be with them, more than anything. I would have given up my entire world for them. But they didn’t feel the same. Though, I still wanted things to work out, even if we were just friends… but…”

You feel the water works coming. You grab the napkin on your table and wipe your eyes away with it.

“I… I don’t… know what happened, I just… I wanted to be with them… but I tried to hide how I felt about them, and I guess I wasn’t doing a good job, because I completely broke down in front of them one day,” you say, your voice cracking here and there. “But last week, they just… they just cut me off. Said they didn’t want to deal with me anymore. ‘See you in another life’, they said. It… it hurts so much. I don’t understand why we can’t even be on speaking terms anymore?”

You start to sob. You worry you have just ruined the start of a close friendship. Instead, he surprised you by grabbing your hand under the table.

“It’s okay,” Tobias says gently. “That’s very rough on you. It’s unfair to you that they left you without taking into account how that must make you feel. I am absolutely sure you did whatever you could to make it work out, but ultimately, if they didn’t want it to work out, that would be their problem, not yours. Please don’t blame yourself, ______. You did nothing wrong.”

You wipe away the tears with your free hand, and look at him thoughtfully. You want to realize that Tobias is right - it’s not your fault, you did what you could. The darkness in your heart lurks, but at least it’s a bit lighter now.

The announcer absolutely obliterates the mood by calling out time. Your heart seems to have shattered, once again. You don’t want him to leave, you want to get to know him a bit better. 

“Let’s get out of here,” he suddenly says. “We can go somewhere else and talk about this further.”

You take a deep breath, and nod. “Yeah, let’s,” you smile slightly as you both leave the bar, puzzling the next two in line waiting for you and/or Tobias.

Tobias might not be your ex-friend, and you don’t want to rebound, but getting to know him can’t hurt you. You think.

\---

 

whelp that was chapter 1

maybe i'll write more if i get upset again <:


End file.
